Monday, November 17, 2003
Thursday, November 13, 2003
Thursday, November 06, 2003
Saturday, November 01, 2003
Kyle reluctantly dropped me off at the bus station. Chandler and I sprung it on him at the last second, that I needed a ride to the bus station. Being the cool guy that he is, he agreed without a word. I bought my ticket, nervous that the money my mother had deposited in my account had not been available yet, but it was. There are a lot of interesting people at the bus station. I saw a man, talking to himself it seemed. He had a stick wrapped with what looked like dozens of cloth head-bands. He wore a green one himself and often went to a window to adjust it. He wore a jean jacket with a very interesting pattern on the back, blue jeans with large rectangular patches of brown unprocessed leather and moccasins. He was very old, with buzzed white hair and a very age ravaged face. He obviously, however, did not have all of his marbles. At one point he went outside to smoke and I could hear him yelling and screaming, apparently at people driving too fast on the street. They began to board my bus and he got on the same one, sat in the back and at first was very quiet. Our bus driver checked our tickets, then said that were weren't scheduled to leave for another 10 minutes. The smokers on the bus all got off for a last minute cigarette. I sat on a bench and smoked. The old man, casually walking by, stopped and tapped me on the forehead. I looked up and he closed his eyes and began to whisper a prayer. When he finished he smiled at me. I asked him what tribe he belonged to, he was Cherokee. My great grandmother was a Cherokee Indian, so I have it in my blood. I told him that I was part Cherokee, he smiled and said "I know" and continued casually walking. I felt mesmerized the rest of the trip to Valdosta. Curiously bewildered.
This thought disintegrated at 2:41 PM
I've been having a lot of dreams lately about my pets, the ones I've had who have died. The other day I had a dream about my Snake Basil and my mouse Gizmo. They both kept escaping from their cages and running away together. I had to run them down an find them and put them back into their cages, but eventually they both got away. I've had a few dreams about Hershey, the lovable Hulk who could no more than lick you to death. He had problems with his heart, perhaps it was to big. He had heart worms many times during his life and had to endure Arsenic treatment for each one, but there's a limit to how much Arsenic treatment a dog could receive, and he was at it. For those of you who didn't know, my parents put down both of our labs a few months ago. Perhaps what damaged me is that, eventhough they told me they would eventually have to, they didn't tell me when they were going. I woke one morning and they were both gone, and I knew but I never got to say good-bye. I had a dream just now. It began with the 8 puppies in Hershey's litter, his mother Nestle was nowhere to be found, but all the dogs we had sold or even away were there. They grew rapidly until they were all full-sized. All of them were happy as could be, running around the yard playing, all except for Hershey. He was sad. He ran away, squeezing under a gap in the fence and bolting from the back yard. I went to catch him and found him behind a neighbors house running about. As I was bringing him back to the yard I gave him a big hug and he turned sad again. Then I woke up.
This thought disintegrated at 3:48 PM
Things have been strange lately for me. The past two nights I haven't slept at night, staying up to think to myself, watch movies and read books. My roomate is out later and later everynight, he's begun to drink again after a 5 month total sobriety period. It makes me sad that he's begun to fall into the pattern he was in last year, or perhaps instead he learned to control himself. Last year my roomate was a drug dealing junkie, but since has changed his ways. I hope he'll be OK. He drank a lot on monday, and its related to the pain and anger he had the day before. Another girl turned him away, a girl he has been courting for sometime told him she didnt want a relationship with him, and was in love with someone else. That would mark I beleive the fourth girl who has done something like that. It made him depressed and angry, so much so that he defaced his acoustic guitar (taking a ninja star he had and etching death rules into the bottom, the throwing the star into the guitar body, leaving a small hole) and smashed his face into our bathroom door mirror, shattering the mirror and leaving cuts all over his face. Since then he's had 2 nights of light to moderate drinking, which seems to have got him in a more cheery mood. I have been sick lately. Tuesday, due to a bad mix of alcohol the night before, I got really sick, with a massive headache and a grand three and a half hours of throwing up every 45 minutes. However I felt a sense of self-improvement when I got better, as I took care of myself the entire four hour period, with no one elses help. It was comforting knowing that I could be the one rubbing my own back as I hunched over the toilet, and make myself feel better, taking my own advil and sucking on self made peanut butter spoons (not sure why but when im eating peanut butter, I lose my sense of nausea). That night I didn't sleep, I stayed up and watched a few movies, then after class in the morning, I took a mid-day nap that lasted about 4 hours. Went to my intro to film class in which we talked about this great movie we viewed on Monday. At least I liked it, professor Chase said that 'like' might not be the word to describe how many of us would feel about the film, but I liked it. I noticed after class though, in my sleep I had developed a tightness in my chest and shortness of breath. After viewing The Matrix last night, I went to Chandler's and listen to him gabber on for a few hours on the phone about it, interjecting a few statements here and there that he would repeat to whomever he was talking to. I went outside for a cigarette to find something rather surprising. A thick heavy fog had settled in on Tallahassee. I stood, up on the 6th floor staircase, watching the fog thicken, losing sight of tiny lights, watching trees vanish before my eyes, breathing in clear air and breathing out fog of a different kind, clouding visions. I went back in a took a few shots, and hung around for awhile. I walked home through the thickening mist, breathing short, unable to see more than 200 feet in front of me. It was very moist and humid of course, but a very slight cool breeze blew constant all night, it felt good. I didn't sleep last night either, deciding instead to read a book. 'What to read' I thought.... I picked up a book that Poulos gave me last year. Reading the note he left in the front of the book, two letters kept running through my head... B.S. I began, so far I'm actually excited about it. 'The actors book of movie monologues', the first monologue is so good, as are the following three. I haven't acted in a long while. I read the first monologue a few times, then performed it for myself in the mirror. The first time not so well, but the superceding three were better, and louder. My suitemate Colin burst iin through the bathroom that connects our rooms, confused and agitated. 'What the fuck is going on in here! You ok?' 'Yeah, I'm just acting out this monologue' embarassed 'Oh... well... Keep it down, its four in the morning.' I let out a little smile as he left. I left for class a few hours later, returned two hours after that and fell again into my mid-day nap, dreaming like the mists of the night before, unclearly.
Oh and by the way, THIS is good for a few laughs.
This thought disintegrated at 6:05 PM
So halloween was ok. I went to my morning classes an got super bored, then went to look for a job for awhile with no luck. Then the coolness began. I went to go take some way cool photographs at this graffiti wall. It was way cool. Then I got dressed up, well not really dressed up, but I put on my black pants, that mesh shirt (nothing underneath), lipstick, eyeliner mascara and my dice eyebrow bar. I went to the Art gallery called Armageddon. They set up a bunch of pictures and things then turn out all the lights, then you bring a flashlight and look at them it was so way cool. After that I got some coffee at this cool place that I found I can sell my pictures at, so I gots to get some cool photos to put up in there. Then I went to go see The Nightmare Before Christmas for free in the Student Life Building. It was awesome as ever. Then after that I came home, talked to Sarah for awhile and went to bed. THE END!
This thought disintegrated at 10:09 PM
