Wednesday, September 17, 2003

Call Back

So today was really cool. I had just woken up from a nap when my phone rang, I looked at the number, and I didn't recognize it. So I answered it. A few weeks ago chandler and I went to audition for the movies at the film school, and what they do is they have you read a scene and video tape it. Then they have you fill out an information sheet (height, hair color, experience etc.) and they put your tape and information on file so that if a student needs some one with blue eyes and brown hair, they can look through the information sheets and find all those tapes and look at them. So I wrote a little bit about my experience with stunt work and pyrotechnics on my information sheet. I answered the phone and it was a Graduate Film student named Danny and he asked me a few questions about my experience with squibs and pyrotechnics. It turns out he's making a war film and he wants me to help with squibs and explosions and cool shit like that! Filming doesn't start till October, but there is crew practice this weekend and he wanted me to be there! How fucking awesome is that! My first year here and I'm already working on a Graduate Film project, I am SO PYSCHED! Also, ther is an underground film union here for students who didnt get into the film school, and I emailed them today to get some information. SHIBBY!

This thought disintegrated at 9:00 PM

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Tuesday, September 16, 2003

Tears of an Incubus

Today I had the worst dream of my life, a nightmare, not so much scary as was incredibly emotionally disturbing. Before I begin, I issue a warning, this story is not for the faint of heart.
I fell asleep around noonish to take a little nap to pass the time. The worst nap. In the dream I found myself only 12, however my upraising had been quite different. I had been raised in a millitary school that trained super soldiers. At first it sounds kinda cool right? Wrong. At 12 they put you through a very difficult test that is televised and shown for entertainment. They called it the Gauntlet, but it really wasnt much of a obstacle course as it was a slaughterhouse. They would put two trainees in at the same time, they would have to complete a few tasks and when that was up they either had the choice of fighting and killing the other or completing the test together. I was lucky, I was put in the Gauntlet with a girl that I had been through Military School with. Her name was Noriko and she was Half-Japanese. The first task seemed simple enough, kind of a test of claustraphobia (sp?), crawl through a pipe that was 500 feet long and only a foot in radius. Those of you who have seen Aliens can imagine a bit of what Im talking about when Bishop has to crawl down that pipe. The pipe led outside, where three 12 foot giants waited, scattered around the building. We had to kill them, but trick or force one of them to say a certain phrase, I can't remember exactly what it was but it was something like "I submit, you are master". We had no weapons, except Noriko had managed to find a pen. She gave it to me as we approached the first Giant. It was difficult task, but we worked together and I managed to get up on the back of his neck and drove the pen into his jugular. He fell and quickly bled to death. He had another pen on him, so I tossed it to Noriko and we split up to get the other two giants. She ran off, and one of the giants found me, he tried to squash me under-foot so I ran and managed some how to trip him up. He fell on his face and I dove the pen deep into the back of his knees, he rolled over in agony and I began to torture him, by stabbing him on and around his knee, he begged for death, so I told him to say that phrase and when he did, I strangled him with a necklace he was wearing. I met back up wtih Noriko who had killed her Giant, both of us drenched in blood, and proceeded to the next stage. Now if you thought that was weird, this is going to be a lot worse. I found myself in my house and they told me what I had to do. I had to kill my cat and my dog. (faint of heart turn away now, this gets graphic) I began to cry as I picked up my cat, the dream got extremely vivid, I could feel my cats soft fur in my hand. I could feel the pop as I was twisted his neck to where it broke, and felt him go limp in my hand. It was worse for my dog Mia, as she let out one of those horrible dog yelps just before I felt the click. Limp, lifeless. I could hardly see anything as a torrent of tears tore down my face. I sought comfort from my mother, but she was cold. Noriko had left, and I was alone, with two dead animals and my cold mother. I found out that I didn't actually have to kill them to complete the test, and that my mother had tricked me into killing them. I screamed and cursed my mother who simply claimed she wanted to make room for some new puppies she was going to get. I woke up and found that all the time I was crying in my dream, I was crying in the real world. I cried more, my pillow soaked and eyes red. After awhile I was ok. Tears subsided, but god damnit that click and the images are burned in my memory, but I try my hardest not to think of them to prevent myslef from crying more. It's strange how this story is very similar to Ender's Game. I think I got a little taste of what it Ender felt like when he was tricked into killing an entire species. Now I need a tissue.

This thought disintegrated at 6:19 PM

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Monday, September 15, 2003

Sex and Lucia

Today in film class we watched a movie called Sex and Lucia. It's a foreign film from Spain, and suffice to say I was very surprised. First off, I have to be a geek for a second and say that the cinematography was absolutley awesome, nothing really groundbreakingly new, but the director took some pretty basic shots and made them look soo damn cool. Towards the middle I got a little bored because it was hard to follow along, probably something lost in the translation (it was subtitled by the way). At fist it seemed like there were a bunch of seemingly random storylines with a single guy in common. Then at the end it all came together so strangely perfect, it was difficult to know how to feel. Being a Spaniosh film, the slew of Breasts, Penises and Vaginas was expected, but they hardly made a difference in the end. It was awesome.
This thought disintegrated at 10:33 PM

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Friday, September 12, 2003

Traveler

The morning started off at midnight for us. We watched Fight Club to get our minds unsettled and unready to sleep. It was still as good as I give it credit for, and each time I watch, I pick up something new that I had never noticed before. The end came and neither of us had packed, so I left Chandler to go home and pack. I, silently frantic and avoiding loud noises that would wake up my slumbering roommate, searched around for a bag to put my clothes in. I hadn’t brought a suitcase or a bag larger than my book bag down with me, but I found something. My guitar bag, though funny looking, it did the job and held my clothes. I packed under the soft glow of my computer screen until I had to turn it off before leaving. Chandler found me in front of his dorm and we began the 1.5 mile or so trek to the bus station. We arrived at 4:30 and bought our tickets, but we still had 35 minutes before the bus left. Chandler began to mention directors, and we began to talk about that until they started boarding the bus. I was starting to feel sleep weighing my eyes when we sat down. We, however, had gotten the short end of the stick. Being the last few aboard we had to sit in seats that did not recline like the others due to their proximity to the back wall. The bus pulled out and the inner running lights went out, leaving behind a dim blue luminance that saturated the air around us from the small bathroom sign on the wall behind. Things seemed cold. The person sitting in front of Chandler crudely reclined his seat as far as it could go, squashing Chandlers legs and leaving him very uncomfortable. I however, leaned my head against the window, using my hand as a pillow and fell asleep for an hour and a half. I woke to Chandler whispered curses and uneasy squirming to get in a position he could sleep in. I told him to switch with me. He struggled for a few moments in his new seat but quickly found a position he could sleep in. The position he chose reminded me of when he would fall asleep in class with his forehead flat on the desk in which he sat, he had turned his over-shirt until a pillow and jammed in between the seat in front of him and the window. I looked around me and felt peculiar. I was the only person amongst a dim blue sea of strangers that was awake, everyone so vulnerable, and I the only one conscious enough to witness it. I started to feel cold again, it was the air conditioning, but if I didn’t think about it, it didn’t bother me. I checked my watch, it was almost 7:00. I looked out the window, and on the horizon there was light, dim but visible, from the sun. I decided that if Chandler of all people could not sleep in the seat I was in, then there was little chance that I could, so I watched the sun come up. There were thin clouds in the distance where I thought it would come. A few minutes later I noticed something I had never seen before. Sunrays, different from beams and I will try and describe how. The beams I see come in the middle of an overcast or mostly cloudy day, when gaps appear in the clouds large enough for light to pour through. No, this was much different. As the sun crept up to the horizon, long fingers of light slowly reached out, softly tearing at the night sky, a truly awesome sight. The sky was huge on the flat Piedmont Plateau, and as the sun peeked out I saw another color that I had never seen before in nature. I’m sure most of you girls are aware of screaming pink, it’s pretty much a very neon pink. People say that clouds have a silver lining, but this morning those thin clouds in the distance were lined with screaming pink. It was about that time we pulled over at the first stop, and luckily for us, half the people got off. So I woke Chandler and asked him if he wanted to move to and open row, and we did so that each of us had two seats of our own. Chad curled up in a little ball upon departure and lay across both seats. He fell asleep quickly so I did the same and didn’t wake until we stopped for breakfast. The place we stopped was rather strange, it was a combination gas station, Arby’s and electronics store/pawn shop. I walked sleepily inside and immediately spotted the Krispy Kreme donut shelves they had. I had for breakfast what I would often have for breakfast in High School, two glazed donuts and a coke. Perhaps it was the fact that we were going home that made me think of those two things from my memories of Milton, who know. Chandler and I sat outside eating our junk food breakfast and we saw across the street was the “Café Erotica”. I started to laugh. If anyone has ever gone down to Tallahassee, you would see dozens of billboards advertising “We Bare All at Café Erotica”, with pictures of not so attractive women who probably don’t work their anyway. It was a trucker paradise, and it gave a little bit more meaning to the Blood Hound Gang song “A Lap Dance is so Much Better”. For all who have heard that song, you can probably guess what kind of people actually go in there. It was really windy outside there, but a comfortable wind, not really a cold one. . . I can’t remember where I was going with that. Anyway, we boarded the bus again and headed out. I fell asleep again until we got to Atlanta. The bus dropped us off at the Marta Station and we rode that up to the North Springs exit. On my way I started to notice how dilapidated and unorganized Atlanta is compared to Tallahassee. For example, Tallahassee has very little to no graffiti, while I saw so much on the way to North Springs, though I should take into account that all the graffiti I saw was near the train, but you can’t argue that because I’ve seen much of Atlanta, and it’s not that much different. We met Chandler’s mother at North Springs, and what surprised me is that she didn’t say anything about my eyebrow until after she hugged me and talked to me for a minute, and all she did say was “Eeew, why would you do that?”. I was expecting a short lecture. Mrs. Mays drove me home, and as soon as they drove off I realized one thing I’m going to miss here. Autumn. Autumn has always been my favorite time of the year, and I have spent every single one, for as long as I can remember in Alpharetta. I remember every year around this time I would go outside every day, searching for the “Prelude to Autumn”. A day in which the winds changed and the sun calmed, and you could smell the coming fall in the air. It makes me sad to think that it’s probably already happened this year, and I missed it. Simon and Garfunkle suddenly popped in my head has been there ever since, “Scarborough Fair”. I don’t know why, but that’s like the ultimate Autumn song for me. I used to spend hours outside during the fall, feeling the sun’s gentle warming caress, hearing the wind breath, watching the tangle of shadows from the barren trees and the almost potpourri smell of decaying leaves. It made me feel the perfect melancholy, the perfect laziness, the perfect numb, and I felt that today. It felt incredible and I became so happy in my mind that I felt that numb again. I walked inside to find my cat sleeping on the chair in my living room. I startled him when I picked him up at first, but he was happy to see me. I found my mother out in the backyard throwing the ball for a tireless machine, her dog. The backyard had changed somewhat because of the dog, there was now a little dirt path from the porch leading to a small dirt circle in the middle of the yard. This was because little Mia ran the exact same place and stopped in the exact same spot in the yard for you to throw her ball, and she could do this endlessly. Like I said, a machine. My mother didn’t freak out about the eyebrow, she just said it didn’t look good and to not wear it around her friends, coworkers or clients, which is ok with me. We sat outside and felt numb together, throwing the ball for Mia whenever she would retrieve it. I must admit, the numb was magnified by the fact that I finished reading Perks of Being a Wallflower the night before while doing my laundry. I felt this strange, almost indifference, but not really. I thought the book was great, minus a few parts in the story and in the writing that kind of bugged me, but otherwise I thought it was very, very good. I started thinking about something the Bob in the book said that I’d never heard of before. “If you’re lighting a cigarette, but it only gets half lit, then someone is thinking about you”. I wondered if that was true, some days that happens to me, and others it doesn’t, and if it were true, what were they thinking about me. But right now that seems irrelevant, because I’m too numb to care about it that much, and I want to enjoy these next three days here, where Autumn has begun.
This thought disintegrated at 7:00 PM

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Thursday, September 11, 2003

The New

Well, last night, after spending a couple of weeks building a template from scratch, I tested it out and then horribly screwed it up. But it was way to complex anyways, working with all this HTML and Javascript crap is really hard becuase if you miss a single( ' ) somewhere in a 15 page long jumble of symbols, letters, number and punctuation, it can screw up the entire thing, so I decided to start smaller and work my way to my desired look. So here's what's new, (the Background, DUH!) and there will be more to come, as soon as I can figure a few things out.

This thought disintegrated at 1:03 PM

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Wednesday, September 10, 2003

Scylla

I was walking to class today and on the license plate of a car that past was Scylla. It got me thinking. I remembered that Scylla was one of my favorite monsters when I was little. Yeah I was pretty little when I learned the story of Odysseus and his travels, I actually remember where I heard it too. WISHBONE! Does anyone remember that show with the little dog who knew all those stories, and would then play a character in the stories? I loved that show, it was so cool! Anyways I started thinking about that, and then I remembered the TV Mini Series "The Odssey", which I though did a really cool portrayal of Scylla (eventhough the etire thig was pretty bad). Yes, the six-headed man eater had no eyes, and attacked based sound. It had only one feature on it's heads, a huge mouth. With long jagged teeth overlapping, giving it a ferocious appearance. It was badass. And it's name is cool to, Scylla. So that's what I was thinking about today. Actually mostly I tried to remember other books Wishbone did, because that show was cool.


This thought disintegrated at 1:26 AM

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Tuesday, September 09, 2003

Clear Conscience?

Wow, I didn't realize so many ppl still read this old thing, thought the only people who still read it were Chan and Sarah, boy was I wrong. Sorry so many of the posts on it were so hostile, maybe next time Im sloshed, I'll remember not to write stuff. Yeah so sorry, I didn't write that blog with intention of upsetting people, but my words came out a bit backwards. I did say what was on my mind, and now that its off of it, I can get back to writing uninteresting descriptions about stuff. Anyway, here's a picture I scanned for my new template, and I want to see how it looks.

Booya!

This thought disintegrated at 1:21 AM

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Sunday, September 07, 2003

Inebriated

Yes, Im very drunk, but Im typing this because Im in such an awesome mood right now. I apologize in advance for all the spelling errors that will foloow, but its quite difficult to type when you're drunk. I had such an awesome night. Chandler and Sarah and I played a drinking game to Moulin Rouge. Every time they sang a new song (granted many songs are combinations of several songs but they are still all the same song in the movie IE the Elephant Love Medley) we drank four swishes of beer and every time they said Truth, freedom, Beauty and love we had a shot of Crown Royal Whiskey, which will get youy screwed up pretty quick. And we all sangg at the top of our lungs and we all cried at the end, even Chads suitemate Kyle, who is such an awesome gguy and very hot if I might add. After the movie we all went outside to the the staircase, which is an outdor staircase, we went up to the top most level, which has a GREAT view of the campus (8 stories high) And we talked and smoked. I called my sister who was also pretty wasted and had a great talk with her. Then Sarah started to throw up, but Chandler and I took very good care of her, making sure she didn't get any on her clothes and making sure she wasnt leaning forward and getting it all out ( cuz if you're lying on your back its very dangerous because you can choke on your own gak, which is bad). We took good care of her, and when she was done she felt like a million bucks (which is what you feel like after you throw-up alcohol) and we talked some more. Chandler and I then put her to bed in Chandlers bed and went down stairs to talk a smoke a little more. Outside we met some cool people who were also pretty wasted. We met a guy named Dave, and two girls named Andrea and Sue, and it's really cool that I remember their names because I've always been really, really good with names. Afterwards Chad and I went to go check on Sarah one more time, thenm walked over to my dorm and made sure we were cool with traffic and everything ( when I drink I do not get incoherent, I get very open and talktative, but I do not lose my sense of judgement, which I'm very proud of myself for. Example: I KNOW I could never drive like this, and I always look out for cars and other hazards when Im walkking.) Chandler and I got to my dorm after talking about our relationships in the most year. Chandler goign on and on about how much he loves Sara, and that is really great, I'm so happy for the guy. He always tells me how he has never felt this way about girl ever before and he was talking about how he always thought love stories in hte movies were cheezy, until he fell in love with Sara which changed his view. He now thinks that love stories in the movies do not even come close to portraying how much he loves her, and that's awesome. Go dude and dudette. We talked about Tara and I, and how much I loved her and she just shoved in my face. I told him about one night, I slept next her and watched her sleep, being the guardian I like to be, and started to write a song (the chorus anyways). I wrote the song and a few nights later she commented on how she always wanted someone to write a song for her, and I was like "YES!, I rule". But I ran into a major writers block when I tried to come up with the notes for it on my guitar, and I slaved, practicing everyday for a little over a month until I finally found something that worked. Then two dayts later she brooke up with me. So I think I'll post the song here since it has no more use, and If anytime I'm slightly drunk (I get really vocal when Im drunk, I sing A LOT) and anyone would like to hear how the song goes, or if you want me to ever sing something for you, let me know I will sing it for you. I forgot how much I love to sing. The song is about our relationship, and for those of you who dont know the story of us lemme give you a quick overview. Our relationship started while we were in the back of Tommy's car and she kissed me, and I kissed her back, and I felt so good. Then she left for new Jersey for a long time and kinda fell out of love. When she got back Tommy was staring a movie that she wanted so badly to be involved in. So I decided that she and I should go on a "break"op releive her of girlfriend duties since she would be so busy and tired from filming this movie. It kinda of angered me that she would be gone all day and woulndt get back until one in the morning, but I got over it pretty quick. So here it goes, its called Serenely:

In the back of a car
We'd gotten so far
I found out just where we are with us

Then you went away
And things began to change
And when you came back it wasnt the same

Chorus
I saw you sleeping
and I stopped breathing
Don't wake for me
You lay there dreamiing
So Serenely
You're so beautiful to me.

So we took a break
It was for your sake
Whatever makes you happy again

You stay out late
But that's ok
I realize I dont care anymore

Chorus
I saw you sleeping
And I stoppped breathing
Don't wake for me
You lay there dreaming
So serenely
You're so beautiful to me
We've got no meaning
But I'm not leaving
I'll wait for you

Bridge
And I'm so scared
I cant bare to lose you now, to lose you now
The love we shared
I want to make you happy somehow, somehow

It's the end of the show
Now it's time I go
I just want you to know

In a very sincere and loving voice
I love you

Yeah, so that took me about a week to write, but like forever to maske into a song. So it's kinda useless now, and for some reason I CANNOT figure out, she has been a real bitch to me and telling me not to talk to her at all and stuff. I mean, I don't want to get back together, but I still care about her a lot and care what happens to her, so when shes depressed I try and call her and find outs whats wrong so I can give some sound advice and make her feel better, cuz that's what I do, I've done that a lot, and I enjoy helping people. It kills me when my friends dont feel like they can talk to me though,
(kinda looking at you Laura, but I understand you're not very open so instead of trying to change you, I accept that and let you talk to me when you feel like it, because I try my best to understand people and what they're going though, because I guarantee whatvere it is, I've been through something at least similar to it and can give some sound advice) Anyways, I sang it to Chandler and he liked it so that's good. Now he's conked out on my bed, with the alarm set at 10:00, so we can get up and go get Sarah before she wakes up and freaks out that we aren't there. I think I will go over there before then cuz I'm enjoying this buzz way to much to sleep. Well right now I'm sitting here trying to type and listening to the very awesome Our Lady Peace (the best mix I own right now, props to the Chan man). So I've been thinking a lot, and eventhougg the alcohol has got me very talkative, I really mean it when I say I miss all of you. Especially my man Jason! You rule man. Sarah told me while we were watching Moulin Rouge that you had been picked to play Ziedler, and I was like YEAH, because he is so awesome and so are you Jay man. I don't know who was cast as Tolouse, but I kinda want to play that part, and we cast Chandler as Christian (partly cuz Chad has an awesome voice and because he loves our Satine (Sara I think)) Well I've been writing this post for about an hour and I'm starting to come out of drunkeness, so I better post this before I decide to erase it. I love you all!
This thought disintegrated at 7:06 AM

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Thursday, September 04, 2003

Rough Times

Umm, Im not gunna lie. So far I've not had a very good time. Memorable moments: Taking the rest of my Tylox (the pain killer given to me after my surgery) and Sara and Clarke and Adam visiting (well a lot of it anyway). Thats pretty much it. The rest has been pretty crappy. Actually more than pretty crappy. But I guess I really shouldn't be one to talk, my bad times dwarf what Sarah is going through up there. She's coming down to visit this weekend, so maybe things will get better. Not sure what I did to deserve a lot of this.

This thought disintegrated at 5:40 PM

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Monday, September 01, 2003

Alarum

Last night sucked. I got too bed around 2:00, which is better than the past few nights. I fell into an almost perfect sleep. No dreams, no tossing turning or cold sweating. It was so good. Around 5:15, I was forced up by a very loud, very obnoxious buzzing, it was the fire alarm. My roommate, who my friends have nicknamed Anime for his love of that genre of entertainment, and I slowly got up, and got some less revealing pajamas on (we both usually just sleep in our boxers). I put on a T-shirt and some pajama pants He grabbed his Gameboy advance and we went out into the hallway. For a few moments I thought I was dreaming, because when I went out into the hall, it was abandoned, there wasn’t anybody outside their rooms, but as we started to walk down towards the exit, people began to emerge from their rooms and herd towards the exit. When we got outside, we sat down on a curb and Anime started to play his Gameboy. I sat watching the crowds filing out, each asking the people around them what was happening, I didn’t really care. All the “Johnny Chiseled Chests” found this the perfect opportunity to show off their ripped upper halves. Actually just about any guy with something to show on his chest had his shirt off. We were outside for 45 minutes, and by the end, all the “Johnny Chiseled Chests” had hopped in he back of a large truck and had magnetically attracted most of the girls in the building. My RA Colin, in his PJ’s with little devils on them, stood watching over the crowd on the third floor fire escape. I’m not sure what had happened, but it seemed it was some sadistic administrators idea of a fire drill. All the kids that stayed in their rooms when the alarm went off, got fines and were written up. Eventually we were let back into the building at about 6:00, and as I walked with Anime back to my room, he turned to me a said, “Damn, I wish I had brought a better game.”

This thought disintegrated at 2:06 AM

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